fragileheart.com | journal

If you looked at my list of ‘friends’ on facebook, you’d find yourself looking at a list of over 350+ people. Of course, if you know facebook then you know that this means absolutely nothing. Even still, people often think of me as someone who has a lot of friends… and I do… but I don’t have those friends who I lean on, who I call without thinking, who I hang out with without asking, who I would call when I’m bawling my eyes out without worrying about bothering them or who I know will help me with my wedding (should I ever decide to have one). I don’t even really have one person who fits half of those categories.

As I’m typing this, one male friend comes to mind who I’m sure will attest that he can be all that for me… but it’s not the same. With male friends, there’s always the chance that they’re doing it because they’re attracted to you (don’t argue with me on this, I have a whole blog post coming on this topic in the future). With female friends, if it happens that they do become attracted to you it’ll come from a deeper place than it would with male friends. But that’s not going off topic… so back we go.

Of late, I’ve had the pleasure of partying and hanging out with two different groups of women who seem to keep in contact with each other without effort (without thinking, as mentioned above). Luckily, there is at least one woman in each group who always thinks of me whenever a gathering is being planned… but I wouldn’t say I’m any closer to having that best friend I’ve been looking for. Sometimes (and very fleetingly), I curse my parents for not giving me a sister after my brother!

There was a friend I felt a similar connection with while I was in Uni, and I’ve written about her before… but we’re from two different worlds and I know it’ll never be what I’m looking for. But I did want to mention it because she still means the world to me - even if she’s not the (sister-I-never-had-all-time) best friend I’m looking for.

Now, (I don’t really want to say anything about this because I don’t know how she feels on the subject but) there is one female friend I made while I was in Ireland who I get on with very well. She’s the only one who’s really kept in touch with me since I’ve left, and she was the only one who would make contact with me every week just to chat. I miss her terribly. Is it weird to hope that someone becomes your bestfriend?

I blame this post on the movies I’ve seen recently themed around weddings, bestfriends (such as 27 dresses) and the like… you can too (blame, that is).

This weekend I discovered many things about life in Toronto. The firsIt is that it is possible to go out for drinks on a Thursday night despite having a ‘day job’. Though it isn’t something I would want to do every week since it makes for really long Fridays - at least when I did it in Dublin, time flew by!

The second is that I am capable of taking the subway downtown and not want to shoot myself because of boredom. At least when I remember to bring my iPOD with me. Also, taking the subway during the weekend is nothing compared to during the week… I have yet to try that out this week, I’m not loving having to pay $12 for parking every day any more.

Next, I discovered that I am capable of taking the streetcar home on my own and finding at taxi right away. I used to think that living out in the ‘burbs meant that I either had to stay at a friend’s house after a night out on the town… since the subway stops running before the bars close. But you see, the street car still runs… and if it weren’t for the frequency of my need to go to the loo, I probably could’ve walked up to grab the College streetcar.

Lastly, I learnt that I was really silly before in thinking that I didn’t have freinds or that I wasn’t liked… I got a pang of this feeling while I was waiting in line at Grace O’Malley’s for a Don*’s birthday but thanks to the liquid courage I had been drinking all night I managed to shtick it out. Turns out, he was so excited to see me I’m still hearing a ringing in my right ear. Anyway, those are some of the lessons I learnt this weekend… I can’t wait to see what May Two Four (Victoria Day) weekend has in store for me!

How was your weekend?

What kind of a blogger would I be if I didn’t update you as to my adventures during my recent hiatus? In point form (because it’s just easier for everyone), and in chronological order (because let’s face it, I’m like that) here’s what has happened in my life of late:

• Because I still hadn’t found a new job, I agreed to work a few shifts a week until I find something better (not so fun).
• I bought tickets to Dave Matthews Band’s concert on June 18 in Toronto (fun).
• I restored my twitter account, so follow me! (fun)
• I found out one of my oldest friends is (finally) pregnant after (really) wanting it for so long (fun). Congratulations Ate Maeyo!
• I inadvertently irritated Canucklehead when I carelessly read his post listing the reviews he got on entrecard (not so fun). (I’m sorry again forgive me?)
• I put away my winter coats (fun).
• I talked to him on the phone (fun).
• I cleaned Sierra inside and out (fun).
• I finally cleaned up Shiobhan (to get her ready for some serious backing up, and then reformatting and reinstalling (fun).
• I (albeit grudgingly) upgraded to Wordpress 2.5.1 (not so fun). (Honestly).
• I got hit on by a very creepy, very crazy, very drunk, old man… further convincing me that my time in ‘the industry’ is done (not fun at all).
• I went up to Barrie to meet an old friend (a very dear friend), Ash who I haven’t seen since her wedding last April (fun).
• I met up with some (very old) friends who live in Mississauga and were in town for the night, had a ball at a questionable nightclub (fun).
• I cooked and BBQ’d for the family: Tandoori chicken on the barby, Spinach pasta with shrimp & mushrooms in a cream sauce topped with parmesan cheese and a side of Steamed veggies… yum (fun).
• I went out for drinks with a lovely couple who are also doing the long distance thing between Canada and Ireland (fun).
• Finally got a phone call from the agency about a job that runs from May 1 to May 16 (fun).
• Had to tell the Manager at the restaurant that I couldn’t work a shift on May 1 that he had scheduled me for. I didn’t feel very nice about having to do it. But I had no choice (not so fun).
• I realised I simply can’t wait to see him again (fun… and not so fun). 24 days left!

And that pretty much sums up my hiatus…. I’m sure I have a lot more to write. But I’m simply exhausted so I’ll have to continue on tomorrow. Luckily, I’m not working till (my last shift) the evening so I’ll have plenty of time to work on it. I missed you all so very much!

I’m a bit late on my update but I never said it was going to be a monthly thing either so And since my mind is a bit all over the place at the moment, I’m going to get right down to business.

The pounds
My first resolution for 2008 was to lose weight. I am happy to report that I haven’t gotten any further on my quest for some sort of exercise or diet routine since my last post. I blame it on the lack of routine in my work schedule (can you say ‘excuses’?). I did manage to take Chris’s advice and am drinking more water and I’m also trying my best to drink more milk. Lastly, I’m (honestly) happy to tell you all that while I have only shed (all of) 1lb since declaring my resolutions, I did manage to lose about 2″ all around which means it feels better to be in my old clothes and I no longer need to go shopping!

Being able to fit into my favourite clothes was the main reason I wanted to lose weight, and I’m glad that I can lose the inches without necessarily going too heavy on not so fun stuff like the dieting and the exercising. If you’ve ever met me, you’d tell me that I don’t need to lose weight. I know this because I hear it all the time, but honestly the belly over the top pants just does not look good - no matter how thin not fat you are! And all it takes is to wear clothes that fit right, you don’t have to be a size zero.

The dough
My second resolution was to save money, although in my first update I only wrote about my resolution to save money for my RSP by February 28. My complete resolution was to save money; Saving money for my RSP was only one part, one that had to be completed before February 28 or it wouldn’t count towards my 2007 tax returns. But I’m continuing my savings till the end of the year or until I become unemployed. I’m on a good track for reaching my goal for my RSP savings which is great because I also have my RSP GIC maturing next year and I can combine the two and earn even greater interest!

I have also succeeded in saving up the flight money for my upcoming trip to Dublin so that my flight is paid for in cash. I also have saved about 40% of the cash I’ll need to spend while I’m there. For those of you wondering, I’m slightly over the mistake I’ve made but I don’t think I’ll be fully over it until I can make it up to him. Thanks so much to everyone for all your support and reassurance that I wasn’t a dumbass. It was much appreciated!

There is a second part to this resolution and it has a little bit to do with a post I wrote recently about my application for a loan. First, I have to tell you that my application got declined. I’m very saddened by this because it means it’s going to take some discipline to pay off my debt, but I’m just going to have to bite the bullet. I have other options available to me like getting someone to co-sign the loan but I want to look after this problem, that I alone created, on my own.

Second, I wanted to talk a little bit about what I know about loans - at least here in Canada. Ate Maeyo, and Jillian were real sweethearts and were very concerned about what I may have been getting myself into so I talked it over with my Mum (the financially adept one in the family) and she explained a few things to me:

She said that most banks in Canada offer loans that are actually targeted to help people get out of debt, the only problem is they are hard to obtain. They don’t like to lend this money to people that they consider ‘risky’. To answer a few questions that Ate Maeyo brought up, the interest rate is about 8% lower than my credit cards and there is no penalty for paying off more than the monthly repayments or for repaying the loan earlier than the term of the loan. I kind of knew these things when I applied for the loan but I had looked at so many descriptions I couldn’t remember for sure so I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure.

I was actually hoping to do a more detailed post on the subject, but seeing as I didn’t get the loan I hope you understand why I don’t feel like it. I’m still assessing my options but for now I’m going to leave it alone and really try to command some self-discipline.

Wish me luck! How are you doing with your new year’s resolutions?

The Toronto Star reports that the target energy consumption in Toronto was reached! Which leads me to think that maybe the target was too low - there is a photo featured on the article page showing the difference in the appearance of the skyline after Earth Hour commenced. But if the target was so easily reached, and there were still so many lights on then I feel like more could have been done. And more importantly that more can be done - I’m certainly going to try my best to conserve energy on a regular basis.

I used to leave my laptop on if I had to leave while I was in the middle of working on something - but I stopped that since I came back from Ireland. It’s strange, but my awareness level was actually greater in Ireland than it has been in a city as big as Toronto.