fragileheart.com | journal

There has been a major theme in the way I’ve been living my life since I’ve returned from Ireland. I’m trying to do my best to recognise situations before I get too stressed out about it. In the past, I am the type of person that would give any situation the benefit of the doubt before I really ‘give up’. (I say ‘give up’ (as in, in quotations) because I have since realised that this isn’t giving up if there is nothing you can do to change the outcome). But all that ever really got me was stressed out and full of anxiety.

My (now old) work has a lot of potential because they have great ideas, delicious food, (some) great staff, and a well-known (albeit American) branded hotel name to back them up… but there were a lot of things wrong but I’m not going to talk about them. I just need to talk about why I needed to leave; I was doing my job right because that’s who I am, but I was doing it despite how much I didn’t care about doing my job right. I kept being asked to be patient while creases were ironed out, I lost interest and I could feel myself beginning to get bitter. That was when I knew, it was time to leave. True to myself, I tried to give it another chance and tried to care… but I couldn’t force myself to care about the place. And I can’t work somewhere that I don’t care about. So I left…

The industry has been good to me the last 8 years. Even if I hadn’t gone to University for a degree specializing in this industry I would still be able to say that I learnt most (if not all) of my ‘best life lessons’ through this industry. Not to mention, if I hadn’t been working in this industry I don’t think I would have met him. And I’m still trying to figure out if I am done with the industry. I constantly get complimented on how well I fit in here… but I’m just not sure the hours are something I love any more. I know I love the industry… but I need to find another way to work here. So (for now) I left…

Blogging wasn’t exactly stressing me out, but I did find myself way too distracted from doing other important things (please note I didn’t say more important) like finding a job to help me get out of my (now old) work. And I realised that I was getting too obsessed with dropping cards (ala entrecard). I’ve kept in touch with some of you through Twitter and it’s been great but I’m hoping to get back into the groove of things and after reading Ben Barden’s recent interview with Graham Langdon, I’m even more excited to get back into it! But in keeping with the rest of this entry… Blogging was too much of a distraction, so I left… for a little while

I just want to thank everyone who continued to drop cards on me and purchase adverts despite my hiatus: You’ve helped keep my entrecard rating somewhat manageable and for that I owe you! (So please watch for a future post to repay you with some link love) Who am I kidding? I’m never going to get to that. I apologise. I’ll have to figure out a better way to repay you all.

It’s going to be a crazy 8-10 days. They’re so unorganised at work, and they’re doing the grand opening this weekend and some DJ promotion event next Friday. But they haven’t scheduled staff. So I’m helping out on my days off. And that’s all I’m going to say about work - because I promised myself that I wouldn’t talk about work.

But the end is near for my position with them, which means that I have to go heavy on the job hunting. This in turn means less time to blog. So I’m not going to. I’m still going to do my drops and comments, but there won’t be any new posts in a while. I’ve been thinking about asking Periapex where he got the plug-in for this ‘Random Context from the past’ posts, but I’m not even sure I’ll have time to install the plug-in.

Why am I explaining myself? Because I’m waiting for some job descriptions to load before I go to bed. Heh.

If you really need a fix of something to read, you could always follow the long (albeit one-sided) story of the our rollercoaster romance. Of course, those are listed in reverse chronological order… so you can read it backwards or you could go to the first page and start from there. What’s that? Protected posts? Email me at reggysy [at] yahoo [dot] ca for the password, it’ll be the same one for all of them.

It’s been a while since I’ve eaten doughnuts (or is it donuts? As long as you know what I mean). And maybe it was the combination of the two doughnuts with the large coffee… or maybe it was the fact that I quit my job; who knows the real reason why I am so extremely hyper as I’m writing this. I’m just hypa (it’s when you’re sooooo hyper you don’t ev’n wann’ finish yo words).

I’m not even happy, per se, that I quit. Sure, I’m happy but I’m not doing cartwheels about it. I still feel bad because I know I’m leaving them in a pinch, but I know they can manage. The boss was extremely understanding, and extremely gracious about the whole thing but it still didn’t make me want to stay - not that he was trying to get me to change my mind - and that says a lot about the situation.

And so, in 2 weeks, I will no longer be what I am now. I will be something completely different. What is this something? Who knows. I’m just hoping it’s not something that will require the wearing a chicken suit (actually would that be a beaver suit because I’m in Canada?), or worse yet, my birthday suit.

Here goes nothing!

Ok, so I’ve been a little MIA the last few days, but I promise there’s a good reason. You see, I started my management training on Saturday morning. My third shift. See, I had suggested that I get trained as a regular employee first because I like having first hand experience of how everyone and everything works. And they agreed. So I wasn’t surprised when my first shift was a bar training shift, and my second a server training shift. I wasn’t scheduled to work until Tuesday night… but on Friday night, he called me and asked me to come in for some management training. As if he had to ask.

After a few hours of training, and a lot of walking around, we had a talk about where things were going. They were happy about my progress. So happy, that they wanted to get me into a shift manager role as soon as possible. Sweet! And in a few months, there’ll be an evaluation that will lead to more responsibility. Even sweeter. I have three more shift manager training shifts, and then I fly solo on Saturday morning. I can’t wait!

I’ve been up for 18 hours. And I have to be up at at 4am again tomorrow. But there’s good news attached! Tomorrow, I start learning some more important ins and outs! Yipee!! I’ve only had two training shifts - as a bartender, and as a server. Actually, my opening shift this morning was not much of a training shift. I did most of it myself, and asked a few questions along the way.

I’m exhausted and excited! I’ll hopefully be able to tell you more tomorrow!