I think it has a lot to do with this growing to-do list² that seems to be overwhelming me more than helping me right now. This holiday season is mapping to be a very stressful one and I have no one to blame but myself. But I don’t blame myself. I’ve chose projects like making my own Halloween costume, planning a birthday dinner, making a lot of craft gifts for Christmas and going to Dublin for New Year’s because I’m trying to save money and because I want to be in his arms sooner rather than later³.

While I’m glad to have friends who will invite me over for dinner, or even just to chill at their place… I have so much to do that sometimes I prefer to just stay home. Of course when I’m home instead of doing all the things I need to do I sit and tweet, forum and blog surf instead.

I thought that I would have a more set routine by now, having been at my current job for a little over 3 months but I don’t. I suppose that’s partly due to the fact that my friends and I don’t have a set schedule for seeing each other either. I used to think that I was good at taking things as they come, but after leaving school I realised that I require a routine before I can take things as they come⁴.

I don’t have much point to this post, other than to ramble on and provide excuses as to why its taken me more than a week to completely fix the blog⁵. But also, I did want to just vent a little bit. My brain is a mishmash of thoughts and I needed somewhere to put these ones.

Are you tired? Or is it just me?

Because they're better than constantly talking in parentheses:

1. being someone who has some knowledge of code
2. which by the way I haven’t updated in a while
3. respectively
4. if that makes any sense to you at all, you’re a rockstar
5. some images are still broken, sorry Trench

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Somehow, while trying to change permissions so I could edit within my dashboard I broke my theme. I finally got it so it would show something. But its too late for me to stay up and fix up my sidebar so that all the things that should be there are up so…

Entrecarders: Please don’t fret, it will be back up again shortly.
CMF Ads: This is going to go up as soon as I get EC back up as well.

That’s all for now. I need sleep.

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This photo was taken at the same summer as this one, when my Parents and I went to Leslie Pitt to go cycling. I love these because its one of the many photos that reminds me of the great time that my parents and I had cycling around there. It also reminds me of a time when  my parents were less fragile¹.

I got a dose of reality last year when both my parents went through surgery while I was living thousands of miles away. I was heartbroken but I couldn’t do anything about it. I wanted to rush home and be at each of my parents’ bedside for as long as they were in the hospital. But they wouldn’t even give me the number to the hospital because they didn’t want me to waste my money on phone bills.

Early last month my Mum caught a bug at school, she went home early and stayed home the following day; slept it off and naturally passed it on to my Dad. My Dad was already suffering from the allergies I was that caused him to cough quite a bit, and kept him up at night. My Mum healed within a day; my Dad on the other hand couldn’t sleep at all so he ended up getting so sick that he could barely move and had to stay home from work for two days.

Shortly afterwards he lost his voice. He is still without voice and coughing up lungs every other half hour. I got sick too, but I didn’t have to stay home from work a single day. Also, my cough is almost gone and its only been a week and a half.

My Dad has been to the doctor, who started him on antibiotics on Saturday but I haven’t noticed any improvement. He says he feels a little better, but I don’t feel like its good enough. Everytime I hear him coughing, I just want to rip my heart out so that it stops hurting. My Daddy is a strong, resilient man and he still goes to his garage to work on his friend/customer’s bike every day when we get home from work². So he won’t complain that his life is hard or even feel sorry for himself… but I do.

I wish I could take it away and make him better with the snap of my finger… I know that it could be so much worse, but I guess I’m worried that if his cough doesn’t go away soon that it might get worse. And then what do I do?

*Sigh* I’m sorry for this whiny Flickr Friday, but I just really needed to get this off my chest. No question for you guys today, but feel free to share your stories that may³ relate.

Because they're better than constantly talking in parentheses:

1. Oh, how I hate irony right now
2. we work at different departments in he same company
3. or may not

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