My Lolo

Posted by fragileheart in Tuesday, August 11th 2009 under: My People Tags: Family, Life, Love, Relationships, Self-examinations

My Lolo ((Grandfather in Tagalog aka Filipino)) is in town. He arrived on Thursday and I’m a bit of an emotional mess. It’s different having your Mum’s Dad in your life… and for the most part, For the most part, I’ve been avoiding contact with him. He’s from such a different generation and I can’t even begin to imagine what he thinks of me and how I live my life. He constantly teases me and I just laugh it off but its all I can do to cry and tell him I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment.

This is new to me because I’ve never been the type to care about what someone thinks of me… I tend to apologise for making them feel uncomfortable but I never apologise for living my life the way I want to live it. And for one reason or another, he is different. I’ve only ever been exposed to him during limited time periods… a vacation that lasted two weeks… to a maximum of one month… and there have been always been other family members around to take the focus off me.

You see my Mum is the oldest of 7 children; I was the first grandchild, and the only grand-daughter on my Mum’s side of the family ((actually, I was the only grand-daughter on both sides for a long time)) and that is why they named me what they named me ((if you don’t know yet, you might want to actually establish contact with me so I can tell you)). And I always get this feeling from my Lolo that he expects me to do great things… and while I’ve been brought up with the belief that everything I do is great ((no matter how small)) I still feel like I’m running out of time.

In the very first entry on this version of this blog, you’ll read about my Lola ((Grandmother in Tagalog))… and how I lost her way too soon. My Lolo is pretty strong… but he’s definitely a weaker version than what I remember from my childhood. If there’s anyone who I want to make proud of what I’ve accomplished in my life, it would be him. Despite never really knowing him as well as I know my parents… I want to make him so proud of me that he will finally understand that even though I haven’t led my life the way my Mum led hers it doesn’t make me any less amazing than she is.

I’m sure growing up without him in my life plays a huge part in all this, but I’m curious… how do you feel about your Grandparents?

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15 Comments Already

Penny Said,

August 11th, 2009 @13:46

I have an interesting relationship with my grandparents too. Partly because I never really got to know either grandfather. But I see and speak to my grandmas often enough. One of them doesn’t approve that I moved in with my bf – she is very strong Catholic. At first I was a bit upset (even though she never said it to me, it was my mum that told me) but I realised it’s just her view on life. She doesn’t think I’m ‘bad’ but she sees things differently. I guess this is partly what you mean from this post. I’m sure your lolo is still proud of you even if he doesn’t completely understand you.
Penny´s last blog ..Blur

fragileheart Said,

August 11th, 2009 @22:23

@Penny: So nice to see you!! I’ve missed you. I’m sure I’ve missed something that’s going on but I hope you’re keeping well! Thanks for the encouragement… I’m still slightly in denial that I care what he thinks of me.

Cromely Said,

August 12th, 2009 @11:01

Glad I stopped to read the footnotes. At first glance (and before I finished Coffee 1) I assumed “Lolo” was a pet name for the BF.

[goes back to the coffee]
Cromely´s last blog ..Hospitality for the night

Miss Tique Said,

August 12th, 2009 @12:59

I don’t know one grandpa and am not very close to the other. Not an interesting story here.

But I do think that all grandparents are proud of their grandsons, either they admit it or not. In the end, we’re their legacy .
Miss Tique´s last blog ..New Lingerie Collections

Shop Girl* Said,

August 12th, 2009 @19:01

I felt this way about my maternal grandfather… only we were very close. If there was ever anybody I wanted to succeed for, it was him. I was his little girl, and it hurt like hell when he died.

Don’t let anyone make you feel like you haven’t accomplished enough with your life–if you’re happy with where you are, then run with it! Your Lolo will understand.
Shop Girl*´s last blog ..PEBUAC* (I am smrt.)

ken armstrong Said,

August 13th, 2009 @04:45

My maternal grandparents were also my godparents and, although, they are both long-gone, I remember the times I had with them very vividly indeed.

Granny used to take me to the pictures on Saturday afternoons. We saw Butch and Sundance when it first came out.
ken armstrong´s last blog ..Charity Shop Stalwarts

trench Said,

August 13th, 2009 @05:10

My Grandfather was a mean old man who used to work 12 hours a day in the ranch then come home, get drunk, and bully my poor grandmother around. However, after my grandmother passed, I saw a different side of my grandfather. All he talked about was NANA and it was quite a experience the last few years of his life.

I miss both my grandparents dearly. I think I took both of them for granted.
trench´s last blog ..GI Joe : The Rise of Cobra (Theaters)

Penny Said,

August 13th, 2009 @08:25

There is nothing exciting going on – for some reason I’ve just found I’ve got too much to keep up with. I miss everyone too! So that’s why I had to come and comment. Need to get back in the swing of things again.
Penny´s last blog ..Blur

Ayprel Said,

August 13th, 2009 @23:21

My grandparents are dead. I miss them so!

fragileheart Said,

August 17th, 2009 @08:15

@Cromely: LOL That’d be a really weird nickname. Hope it was at least entertaining for you

@Miss Tique: You’ve probably got a point; my Mum says that he only nags at me all the time because he actually is proud of me and loves me so much but it’s the only way he knows how to show it. I guess she would know best!

@Shop girl: I’m sorry you’ve lost your Grandfather. My Grandad is the only Grandparent I’ve really gotten a chance to know so I really don’t like imagining losing him

@Ken: What a lovely memory; I wish I could remember things I might have done with my Grandmother… she was a lovely, lovely lady.

@trench: It happens; it becomes easy to take them for granted unless they’re actually they are super close to your parents. Sounds like your Grandfather and my grandfather have quite a lot in common in that respect (the way he treated their wives)!

@Penny: hehe ok just glad to hear you’re ok. Hope you get back into it soon (but no pressure of course!)

@Ayprel: {{hugs}}

Amanda Truscott Said,

August 17th, 2009 @19:19

I like the footnotes. They remind me of one of my favourite writers, David Foster Wallace. A master footnoter.
Amanda Truscott´s last blog ..The Critic

erin Said,

August 21st, 2009 @22:46

My mother’s parents passed away when I was around 12 and 13. We lived out of state and I never got to know them well.

My dad’s parents are both still living (age 89 and 96!!), and I am fortunate to have gotten to know them as an adult. They live several hundreds of miles away so I don’t get to see them often. My grandfather is failing both physically and mentally and I feel terrible for my poor grandmother who is his sole caretaker.

I email my grandmother several times a month and try hard to break up her day by sending her little emails and pictures with what’s going on in my life. She is a very strong and intelligent woman and I very much look up to her.
erin´s last blog ..Top 5 things I learned this past weekend

lindsayanng Said,

August 29th, 2009 @18:45

My grandparents on my dad’s side practically raised me. My mom worked double full time when I was really young.. from the ages of 2-6.. When she decided to go back to work (when i was 2) she contacted me grandparents (my dads parents) who were living in a REALLY bad part of a REALLY bad city. She asked if they would be interested in moving into the upstairs apartment of the house my parents owned. Of coarse grandma nd grandpa were super excited. They paid $200 a month plus childcare and it was awesome.

I LOVED my grandpa so much that when my mom and dad punished me, i would cry out “I WANT MY GRANDPA!!” or when I was left at school by myself for the first time i yelled “I WANT MY GRANDPA”

Out of me, my brother and sister.. I had a great relationship with my grandpa.. until I turned around 10 or 11.. I was becomming more independant and my grandpa was teh kinda guy who loved younger kids because he liked to do everything for us.. and i wanted to control everything.. we butted heads a little bit hrough that period.. I still loved him, and looked up to him greatly.

So heres the thing.. i always had this head butting for the rest of my adult life even though i loved him so much.. If i had just let go and let him do what he wanted.. i think it would have been a much better relationship..

He died when I was 19.. i know, i’m luckyto have hd him for that long.. At that point i WAS just starting to mature and learn to let go. The day before he passed he asked me if he could play my guitar. He sat down, picked it up and just started playing. I never knew he could play.. apparently he didnt.. he was just really musically talented.. It was so much fun to sit with him in the basement and watch him play guitar, harmonnica, the spoons.. anything.

I guess my point is, in a very long winded typo-ridden way is.. Take the one or few things that you do have in common with your grandpa and enjoy that. Ignore anything that has to do with life choices and pride.. just enjoy the little things.. its the best stuff you can have..a nd honestly, as much of a grandpa might be a stickler for having a grand-daughter who is a doctor, lawyer, married kids.. whatever.. All they REALLY want is someone to talk to them, listen to them.. and share..

So let that stuff roll off your back, tell him you respect his opinion and will always consider it because you respect HIM.. and then move on to somethign you can share
lindsayanng´s last blog ..Quick Post..

lindsayanng Said,

August 29th, 2009 @18:48

oh.. and my grandpa was the same as well.. he didnt work for as long as knew him (from the age of 54 on) but he would kinda bully my grandma.. but she needed it. My grandma is a tad of a flake.. He woudl do the dishes and housework and grandma would go out and work.. and my grandpa did LOVE her very much and never would lay a hand on her.. but i think that is just the way that that generation would treat each other. the women were submissive and the men were dominant.. even in a household where the man stayed home!!!!
lindsayanng´s last blog ..Quick Post..

fragileheart Said,

August 31st, 2009 @22:52

@Amanda: It’s one of my all time favourite plug-ins. Though I’m sure Mr. Wallace is a bit ashamed of my use of footnotes!

@erin: You’re lucky that you get to enjoy your grandparents, even if you do have to see them when they’re a bit weak and it’s great that you’re the type of person who can appreciate how precious this time and relationship is. I would have loved to have seen the dynamic between my parents, their siblings and their parents. I think it would help me understand my parents better. I’m sure your Grandparents are so proud of you!

@lindsayanng: OMG that is so sweet. And I hope I get to do what you’ve suggested though it might be easier if I actually lived at home with my parents. At this stage, the only thing we have in common is being a bit picky with our food! LOL Looks like he’s staying with us in Toronto for at least another couple of months though so hopefully I’ll get my chance to get to know him a little better. Thanks so much for sharing your story {{hugs}}

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