fragileheart.com | journal

If you looked at my list of ‘friends’ on facebook, you’d find yourself looking at a list of over 350+ people. Of course, if you know facebook then you know that this means absolutely nothing. Even still, people often think of me as someone who has a lot of friends… and I do… but I don’t have those friends who I lean on, who I call without thinking, who I hang out with without asking, who I would call when I’m bawling my eyes out without worrying about bothering them or who I know will help me with my wedding (should I ever decide to have one). I don’t even really have one person who fits half of those categories.

As I’m typing this, one male friend comes to mind who I’m sure will attest that he can be all that for me… but it’s not the same. With male friends, there’s always the chance that they’re doing it because they’re attracted to you (don’t argue with me on this, I have a whole blog post coming on this topic in the future). With female friends, if it happens that they do become attracted to you it’ll come from a deeper place than it would with male friends. But that’s not going off topic… so back we go.

Of late, I’ve had the pleasure of partying and hanging out with two different groups of women who seem to keep in contact with each other without effort (without thinking, as mentioned above). Luckily, there is at least one woman in each group who always thinks of me whenever a gathering is being planned… but I wouldn’t say I’m any closer to having that best friend I’ve been looking for. Sometimes (and very fleetingly), I curse my parents for not giving me a sister after my brother!

There was a friend I felt a similar connection with while I was in Uni, and I’ve written about her before… but we’re from two different worlds and I know it’ll never be what I’m looking for. But I did want to mention it because she still means the world to me - even if she’s not the (sister-I-never-had-all-time) best friend I’m looking for.

Now, (I don’t really want to say anything about this because I don’t know how she feels on the subject but) there is one female friend I made while I was in Ireland who I get on with very well. She’s the only one who’s really kept in touch with me since I’ve left, and she was the only one who would make contact with me every week just to chat. I miss her terribly. Is it weird to hope that someone becomes your bestfriend?

I blame this post on the movies I’ve seen recently themed around weddings, bestfriends (such as 27 dresses) and the like… you can too (blame, that is).

This weekend I discovered many things about life in Toronto. The firsIt is that it is possible to go out for drinks on a Thursday night despite having a ‘day job’. Though it isn’t something I would want to do every week since it makes for really long Fridays - at least when I did it in Dublin, time flew by!

The second is that I am capable of taking the subway downtown and not want to shoot myself because of boredom. At least when I remember to bring my iPOD with me. Also, taking the subway during the weekend is nothing compared to during the week… I have yet to try that out this week, I’m not loving having to pay $12 for parking every day any more.

Next, I discovered that I am capable of taking the streetcar home on my own and finding at taxi right away. I used to think that living out in the ‘burbs meant that I either had to stay at a friend’s house after a night out on the town… since the subway stops running before the bars close. But you see, the street car still runs… and if it weren’t for the frequency of my need to go to the loo, I probably could’ve walked up to grab the College streetcar.

Lastly, I learnt that I was really silly before in thinking that I didn’t have freinds or that I wasn’t liked… I got a pang of this feeling while I was waiting in line at Grace O’Malley’s for a Don*’s birthday but thanks to the liquid courage I had been drinking all night I managed to shtick it out. Turns out, he was so excited to see me I’m still hearing a ringing in my right ear. Anyway, those are some of the lessons I learnt this weekend… I can’t wait to see what May Two Four (Victoria Day) weekend has in store for me!

How was your weekend?

What kind of a blogger would I be if I didn’t update you as to my adventures during my recent hiatus? In point form (because it’s just easier for everyone), and in chronological order (because let’s face it, I’m like that) here’s what has happened in my life of late:

• Because I still hadn’t found a new job, I agreed to work a few shifts a week until I find something better (not so fun).
• I bought tickets to Dave Matthews Band’s concert on June 18 in Toronto (fun).
• I restored my twitter account, so follow me! (fun)
• I found out one of my oldest friends is (finally) pregnant after (really) wanting it for so long (fun). Congratulations Ate Maeyo!
• I inadvertently irritated Canucklehead when I carelessly read his post listing the reviews he got on entrecard (not so fun). (I’m sorry again forgive me?)
• I put away my winter coats (fun).
• I talked to him on the phone (fun).
• I cleaned Sierra inside and out (fun).
• I finally cleaned up Shiobhan (to get her ready for some serious backing up, and then reformatting and reinstalling (fun).
• I (albeit grudgingly) upgraded to Wordpress 2.5.1 (not so fun). (Honestly).
• I got hit on by a very creepy, very crazy, very drunk, old man… further convincing me that my time in ‘the industry’ is done (not fun at all).
• I went up to Barrie to meet an old friend (a very dear friend), Ash who I haven’t seen since her wedding last April (fun).
• I met up with some (very old) friends who live in Mississauga and were in town for the night, had a ball at a questionable nightclub (fun).
• I cooked and BBQ’d for the family: Tandoori chicken on the barby, Spinach pasta with shrimp & mushrooms in a cream sauce topped with parmesan cheese and a side of Steamed veggies… yum (fun).
• I went out for drinks with a lovely couple who are also doing the long distance thing between Canada and Ireland (fun).
• Finally got a phone call from the agency about a job that runs from May 1 to May 16 (fun).
• Had to tell the Manager at the restaurant that I couldn’t work a shift on May 1 that he had scheduled me for. I didn’t feel very nice about having to do it. But I had no choice (not so fun).
• I realised I simply can’t wait to see him again (fun… and not so fun). 24 days left!

And that pretty much sums up my hiatus…. I’m sure I have a lot more to write. But I’m simply exhausted so I’ll have to continue on tomorrow. Luckily, I’m not working till (my last shift) the evening so I’ll have plenty of time to work on it. I missed you all so very much!

He’s a really old friend, will probably be one for good, and he’s one of my best friends. He’s been in Japan since a little after I left for Ireland. He has put my travel adventures to shame, and now he’s started blogging about it! I’m so happy he’s joined the blogging community, even if his blog is a little disorganised but I’m biased enough to say that I love the artistry he has put into the layout of each post!

Please take a couple of minutes to pay him a visit and greet him a big 27 (Sorry to spill the beans Davey)!!