fragileheart.com | journal

No, I’m not wrting about Kelly Clarkson’s hit single, though I am borrowing the title for this post. You may remember a recent post I wrote about a stupid careless mistake I made while booking my upcoming trip over to the Emerald Isle. You may also remember the devestating consequence of said action: I was going to miss The Boss in concert. I had resigned to the fact that I wouldn’t be going to any fun concerts while I was over in Dublin. Which, in and of itself, is a shame because concerts in Dublin are phenomenal. The atmosphere is always amazing, the venues are beautiful and of course the company is stellar.

He had mentioned trying to get our tickets switched to the Sunday show, but was finding it difficult… so I told him to forget about it. He was in the middle of studying for his first round of tax consultancy exams and i didn’t want him to worry about fixing something that was my fault. But the Angel that he is managed to do it. So now I’m going to get to see The Boss at the end of May! (And shortly soon after I hope to drag him along to see the Sex and the city movie (he promised))!

I don’t know how many more times I can say it, but I love that man! I love, love, love him with all my heart and I can’t wait to see him again. Counting down 22 days!

So I finally booked my flights for my holiday to Dublin in May. Yay! We have tickets to see The Boss in concert. Oh yes! It was a huge ‘value-added’ bonus for my trip over there. I found a new website for cheap flights that allows you to choose your seats online for an extra $22 each. It was a pretty sweet deal. But I got so tied up in picking flights that would allow me to sit by the starboard side window seat that I completely forgot to make sure I picked a flight that got me there before the concert.

As soon as I realised it, I went online and tried to contact someone from the company to help me change the departing flight. Unfortunately, I didn’t read the part about how the ‘instant fare’ (the cheaper fare) is non-refundable, non-changeable, and just plain not good news for me. I had two concert dates to choose from: The Boss near the end of May, and Prince in the middle of June. Now I don’t get to see either with him.

I’m so upset about the whole thing… We were both really looking forward to going to either one of those concerts together. He bought tickets to both concerts specifically with me in mind… and I went and did something stupid. So stupid that if you didn’t know any better, you’d think I didn’t care about his thoughtful actions. So it hurts. My stupidity hurts. A lot. I just feel like I let him down.

I know I’m being dramatic, but I’ve actually had a few days to mull over this… and I still feel pretty strongly about it. I care about him a great deal and I would never want him to think that I don’t care about things he does for me. He is one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever known, and I am just careless. It’ll take me a while to get over this… and I’m sure it’ll take him a while to get over it too. I just wish there were some way I could make it up to him. Or better yet, I wish there were someway I could still go see The Boss in concert with him! ARGH!

A few hours after writing my last (scheduled) post, my question got answered. In my previous post, I write how I thought that the pain of being without him is what was meant to balance out my life because everything had been going too well. I should’ve known that by acknowledging that it wasn’t really all that difficult (by saying that the pain was worth it) that something else would happen.

Well, it did.

I hurt my pretty car. But that’s not the worst part of it all. My Dad is really upset about it. There goes the great family vibe we’ve been having around here. I’m annoyed that all I want to do is run back to Ireland. I’m sure my Dad will get over it, but he shouldn’t have to. I should’ve been more careful… and I know that. The really hurtful thing is that whenever I do something like this, my Dad always has to bring in how it relates to other aspects of my life and he never sees if I have changed or not. Argh. Anyway… I just had to vent about it. And (hopefully) that’s all I’m going to say on the subject.